Confronted by the embarrassment of an apparent missing-old-person epidemic, Japan’s health minister is now calling “for a nationwide check on the whereabouts of elderly residents.” Hopefully, they aren’t just wandering around the Japanese countryside in a haze of dementia. Hopefully, this is just a matter of shoddy record-keeping, and the vast majority of Japan’s still-living super-old people are safe at home, doing whatever it is that super-old people do.

Maybe they are hiding out from all the people that want to put them on display?